I’m empty. All is nothing.

And answers fade to black.

I’ve lost my way

and cannot say

I’ll find which road leads back.

For what door is there to open?

And what word will I receive?

What will be found if do seek,

when I clearly don’t believe?

And yet, You tell me, “Ask…”

and yet You say to seek;

yet still, You say the door will open

by a spirit – lowly, meek.

As so I ask once more,

and strive to so discern…

all that can be sought about You,

and what all I must learn.

And then in some despair,

a churning hunger feeds…

as I humbly cast my cares,

and found You’ve met my needs.

I don’t deserve Your faithfulness.

I haven’t earned Your favor.

And yet it beams

like peaceful streams

from a brook that I now savor.

Your Light outshines my darkest hour.

You Word, a lamp, for this strayed lamb;

all within Your grace and power –

that I know You, Great I AM.

Let me pray this prayer once more,

if by it, I might see…

and hear,

You near

so I won’t fear

and “still” forever be.

Line 12 – Matthew 7:7-8

Line 13 – Matthew 11:28-29

Line 19 – Matthew 5:6

Line 20 – 1 Peter 5:7

Line 21 – Matthew 6:7-8

Line 23 – Ephesians 2:8

Line 25 – Psalm 23:2, Psalm 42:1

Line 27 – John 8:12

Line 28 – Psalm 119:105, Matthew 18:12

Line 30 – Exodus 3:14, Mark 14:61-62

Line 32 – Matthew 13:16

Line 34 – James 4:8

Line 36 – Psalm 46:10

God led them by the pillars

of cloud and fire by day or night.

He led them to the desert

with no water there in sight.

And oh, the people grumbled;

they quarreled and complained—

insulting God’s own nature,

and His servant, and His name.

This place was then called Massah

and Meribah to their shame

to underscore their testing,

their quarreling and blame.

And so how will I react

in this, my Rephidim…?

That I might not test the LORD

when hope is lost, or so it seems…?

How will I continue

to look for only good…?

As no way out

provokes such doubt,

how can I behave the way I should…?

How can I carry myself

when my soul cries out in pain…?

How can I repress the fears

that brood from questions which remain…?

I’ll look to Christ,

my sovereign LORD,

who died on Calvary.

I’ll seek

His Word

and find

it heard

this proves His deity.

Then I’ll see

that He

has led me

to a higher Rock…

one that God crushed

til water rushed

so that He will not be mocked.

From its fountain

He will quench all thirst

that sores my throat,

and I’ll count it all joy

as I pen each grace upon grace by rote.

So let me marvel in my Rephidim!

And not stammer from lack of trust.

Let me glorify His holy Way

that brings beauty from ash and dust!

-M. Leanne Todd

References from the Holy Bible:

Exodus 13:21-22

Exodus 17:1-7

Deuteronomy 6:16-25

Luke 4:12

Luke 23:33-38

Matthew 7:7-8

Matthew 13:16-17

Psalm 61:2

Isaiah 53:10

John 4:4-14

Galatians 6:7

Isaiah 55:1

Matthew 5:6

James 1:2-4

John 1:16

John 14:6

Acts 24:14

Jeremiah 61:1-3

I asked God why, “Why all this pain?

Why must I struggle? Is it in vain?”

I asked God why, “Why give me grief?

How can it help to sow belief?”

I asked God why, “Why did I offend?

Do You punish me as though I sinned?”

I asked God why, “Why does my plea

fall on deaf ears? Are You mad at me?”

I asked God why, “Why must I strive,

only to be rejected by the Most High?”

God seemed silent in my despair.

But just when I dare ask Him where…

He’d gone from me and hid His face,

angels flood my soul with astounding grace:

“Look in His Word

and you will see,”

their still small voice

then said to me.

The rain He sends, and so sunbeams,

to both the righteous and unredeemed.

So pain does come, but will subside

like methodic waves of the evening tide…

that wear the shore in foaming swirl,

but leave behind the precious pearl.

Affliction grips us in our fate,

but yields a glory of surpassing weight.

And what of grief that I endure?

What Balm

is there to lend a cure?

His Word said that though I mourn

I am comforted, as Paul was with his thorn.

For with it came strength Paul could not own

apart from Christ and Him alone.

But offending God, yes, I have…

with countless sins and golden calves.

I’ve danced with them and sang them songs,

exposing to what my heart belongs.

So punishment, it is deserved.

Yet not on me,

for I bore no tree,

but on the Christ who served.

Our God is good, and hears my groan

and interceded from His throne;

but angry, he was, for it is known:

a holy Judge will not condone…

evil acts and broken laws,

He cannot, simply, just because:

if He did, He would be unjust;

so punishment, it is a must…

but instead of you and me,

He placed His Son up on that tree;

and there His wrath was executed

with all the righteousness imputed…

onto us who see our sin,

and trust that Christ will come again.

And so, my failings, even my good deeds

are fithy rags compared to these.

How can I make it up to Him,

I pined as joy and hope grew dim…?

until His Word declared Good News:

This is a gift I can never loose!

I cannot earn it, it can’t be bought—

for it’s been purchased at tremendous cost.

I thought Him silent;

though He still speaks.

I thought Him arrogant;

though He is meek.

I thought Him cold and distant, base;

though He is truth, and He is grace.

So now my spirit will rise as my flesh dies

as glorious as the sun-kissed skies,

all because Jesus opened my eyes…

on the day, I dared, to ask God why.

References from the Holy Bible:

Line 13 – Psalm 29:7

Line 14 – John 1:16

Line 17 – 1 Kings 19:11-13

Line 19 – Matthew 5:45

Line 24 – Matthew 13:45-46

Line 26 – 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Line 28 – Jeremiah 8:22

Line 30 – Matthew 5:4

Line 32 – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Line 34 – Romans 5:12; Romans 5:18-19

Line 35 – Exodus 20:4-6; Exodus 32:1-35

Line 37 – Jeremiah 17:9

Line 40 – Galatians 3:13-14

Line 41 – Matthew 20:28, Mark 10:45

Line 42 – Psalm 66:18-19, Romans 8:26-27

Line 48 – Proverbs 17:15

Line 51 – John 3:16

Line 52 – Isaiah 53:10

Line 53 – 2 Corinthians 5:21

Line 54 – Numbers 21:9

Line 55 – Mark 14:62

Line 57 – Isaiah 64:6

Line 61 – John 10:28, Romans 5:15-16

Line 62 – Ephesians 2:8-10

Line 63 – 1 Peter 1:19

Line 65 – 2 Timothy 3:16

Line 67 – Matthew 11:29

Line 69 – John 1:14

Line 70 – Romans 6:3-4

Line 72 – Matthew 13:16

You are my only solace

when I fall to my knee,

my only hope

and Way

to cope

when I don’t know how to be.

I am so prone to criticize.

I seethe to rage, unbridled;

when overwhelmed by lack or loss

or just when I feel entitled.

I grapple with my failures,

as panic tears me to my core.

But then

just when

I falter,

You soothe each aching sore.

You are my calm in all the storms –

to problems’ poison, my antidote.

Basking in Your grace and mercies,

I count each blessing by rhyme and rote.

Because I am so soon to worry,

so quick to fuss and fret

about each festering turmoil.

How all too often I forget…

…that You, oh God, are sovereign

down to every molecule.

Atoms spun in grand display

or in seeming disarray

cannot circumvent Your rule.

For you govern wild waves at sea.

You prompt the lightning’s strike.

You open wombs

and shake dry tombs.

You speak worlds into life.

You adorn

new morns

with sunlit dew.

You give and also take.

You quake the earth

and spark rebirth.

You rouse and sleepers wake.

You author

all the universe.

You’ve known me,

sewn me,

from my marrow.

You brave sick human hearts,

set them apart.

You see the falling sparrow.

And that, I am,

this present moment–

but the asp can’t lay its seed,

because You, sweet Savior,

gave me rest.

Jesus, You are all I need!

References from the Holy Bible:

Line 3 – Psalm 71:5, 1 Timothy 1:1, Titus 2:13

Line 4 – John 14:6

Line 16 – Jeremiah 8:22

Line 17 – Psalm 107:29-30

Line 19 – Lamentations 3:22-23

Line 29 – Jeremiah 32:17

Line 30 – Job 38:8-11

Line 31 – Job 37:1-5

Line 32 – Isaiah 66:9-19

Line 33 – Ezekiel 37:1-10

Line 34 – Genesis 1:1-4

Line 37 – Job 38:12-13

Line 38 – Job 1:21

Line 39 – Job 9:5-6

Line 40 – John 3:1-8

Line 41 – Isaiah 52:1, Ephesians 5:14

Line 42 – Hebrews 12:2

Line 44 – Psalm 139:1-2

Line 47 – Jeremiah 17:9

Line 48 – Ezekiel 36:26

Line 49 – Matthew 10:29

Line 52 – Genesis 3:15

Line 54 – Matthew 11:28

Line 55 – Philippians 4:19